1. It’s okay to be tired…
Guess what? Since turning 30 last April, I have stop pretending to have energy I honestly don’t have. If I’m tired, I will let people know. I have gotten so comfortable with responding to people that I’m resting, when they ask what am I doing over the weekend. Or I simply let them know, I’m doing nothing. I used to feel the need to always be on the move, doing something with my time. I equated rest with laziness.
Now getting enough rest is a part of my everyday routine. I equate rest with wellness. If I don’t get enough sleep, my morning will probably not go as smoothly as I would like it, which sets the tone for the rest of my day. I get consumed with thoughts of rest, which manifests as irritability.
When I was in college and graduate school, getting 4-5 (sometimes even 3) hours of sleep was the norm. I felt like a champion and had bragging rights that I could still fully function-work, go to school, and live life—with little to no rest.
Now, I’m proud to tell my friends and family, “I’m not doing anything today. I’m resting.”
Part of getting rest, is slowing down. Usually, when I wake up on the weekends, I’m immediately on the go—making breakfast, working out, running errands. Now, at 30, I enjoy having slower mornings. I will make tea or coffee and sit on my patio and just ruminate in my thoughts.
I still have to remind myself to slow down every now and then, but I have a deep appreciation for resting, as it is essential to my overall health and well-being.
2. It’s necessary to enforce boundaries to protect your peace
It took me several years to implement and enforce boundaries with myself and with other people. I didn’t realize I was a people pleaser until my late twenties, and by then, not having boundaries had taken a major toll on me.
Making other people happy was a subconscious goal of mine. I used to get this rush of dopamine or endorphins when I did things to make people happy. For years, I would put myself, my time, and my energy last, in order to make people I care about feel better or find solutions to whatever problems they were experiencing.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized in hindsight, that this wasn’t the healthiest option for me. I was constantly trying to pour from an empty cup. I often felt drained and unhappy after doing all that I could do for other people. For example, if I had a college exam to study for, but a friend needed me, I would drop everything and attend to my friend.
I had no clue about boundaries or limiting my availability. I noticed by the time I turned 28 or 29, my mental health was suffering, not only because of personal issues I was dealing with, but my inability to place boundaries on my time and energy.
I started out by setting boundaries with myself and my job. I told myself: No, I will not check emails at 5:30 a.m. or after I get off of work. When I’m home, that’s my time to myself. Now, every now and again, I may have to check an email or work on something work related, but it’s very rare I’m working unpaid hours anymore. I’m not trying to please a supervisor by being a superhuman worker. I no longer have my work email on my phone!
I also started placing healthy boundaries with family and friends. Now, if I’m already committed to do something or nothing at all, I will not try to juggle all my activities—I simply state: “I’m not available at that time. Could we reschedule?”
3. Starting over is normal
It’s very acceptable to start over. It’s not a sign of failure, if you need to start something over or begin anew. I think it’s very rare if you live life never needing a fresh start. Whether that’s a change in career, a pivot in your education track, or you simply switch up your relationships and/or friendships.
Society can make it seem like we need to choose a thing after graduating high school and stick with it for life! For most of us, that’s just not reality.
I heavily believed the friends I grew up with would be my life long friends. My friendships after high school lasted about 8-10 years. It was a difficult transition losing friendships and developing new friendships. However, I was able to make the adjustments, and over time, it became the norm to make friends for a season and move on. Other times, I was very blessed to meet people who are still in my life today.
I have changed jobs/careers several times. Currently, I’m teaching and writing. My brain is always spinning with other career paths that are out there, but for right now, I enjoy what I do. There are things that I don’t enjoy about teaching, but it comes with the territory.
My latest path to start over is moving to a new state. This is going to be one of the biggest changes I’ve ever made in a long time. I need a fresh start and a new beginning. I’m doing what I can to prepare myself for this change. It won’t be an easy transition, especially moving away from my security system: family, friends, and familiarity.
I’m ready to start a new life. I’ll be starting from scratch with a new living environment, friendships, church home, etc. I honestly pray that things go well for me, but for the last three years, the calling for this fresh start has grown louder and louder, until the call has become the only thing I can hear.
These are 3 life lessons that I’ve learned since turning 30! I have many more lessons to learn and share. I hope you all enjoy!
Literature and Life with Jasmen 